Cat Callin (Guest Post by Adam Xander)

Women can't say no? Well, depending on the person you ask, you’d be surprised by their answers. What extremes will some guys take to get their way with women, especially when she resists?

“Who taught these lame muthafuckas what it means to be a man?

They really takin' women's lives? Somebody help me understand!

When I hear about these stories, I be tryna figure out

Why dudes feel like they can kill a woman, cus he can’t take her out

Cus he can’t get da number, Or she choose to keep it movin, Dawg!

What Da fuck y'all think you doin? 

Ain’t no justifyin', nothin in the matter,

of a man who kill a woman just cus he can’t have her 

What kinda world we livin' in?

When she can’t say no

Cus she scared that If she do

She’ll catch a knife 2 her throat

Or she try 2 mind her business, Then a dude come her way,

get turned down, n' say “bitch you ugly anyway”

now she fightin' for her life, bcus his ego hurt,

She Never made it home, now we throwin' roses on the dirt

It breaks my heart, that it's even a topic

it’s demonic n' psychotic, and it’s way too chronic”

Maybe I missed the part where it was ok for a man to hurt a woman because she chooses not to show interest in him!

Wait...I'm buggin'

I didn't miss anything, because that part NEVER happened. I can't even begin to explain the anger and disgust that I feel writing this as a man, on behalf of other men who have chosen to violate a woman, and compromise her safety because his ego couldn't handle being rejected or ignored.

Seriously though, WHAT...IN...THEE...ENTIRE...FUCK!

I wrote the above lyrics in response to the most recent incident receiving public attention, involving a woman who lost her life at the hands of a man who assumed that he was entitled to her attention.

In the first two lines, I'm displaying my confusion, by trying to figure out who is even responsible for teaching men that this is even an option. It boggles the fuck out of me, because the atrocity of even feeling angry towards a woman because she isn't interested in me doesn't even live in my mind anywhere, and never has.

There is not, never has been and never will be a justification that can be offered to explain the actions of a man who commits this HEinous act.

Knowing that women have to add many extra layers of extra security in their everyday lives, to even just exist in the same world as men who prey on them is not news to me. There have been several women in my life who have brought this reality to my attention, but unfortunately I never fully understood just how intense and valid these worries are.

Shame on me!

Because of the privileges offered to me as a man, I was partially blind to just how real this is. And for that, I don't even think there are any words to formulate that would be strong enough to suffice as an apology to any woman who has ever shared their sentiments about this issue and was minimized because of ignorance on behalf of those (not excluding myself here) who didn't quite believe it is "that bad". 

However, every woman who has ever experienced this deserves a public display of remorse.

I apologize that you have to deal with this, and I apologize that you can't even take a simple walk around the block, on a beautiful sunny day, without also having to worry about whether you'll make it home or not, because there's a man out there who doesn't respect your right to exist without being subjected to violent misogyny. I apologize that you can't even go to the grocery store, without also having to worry about whether or not there's a man there, who will make an advance, and upon your acknowledgment of disinterest or your absence of acknowledgment at all could cost you your life.

I apologize that you have to worry about being killed or hurt, because you are hanging out with friends, and don't feel like exchanging any form of communication with a guy, but out of fear that you could lose your life, you feel pressured to pretend that you do.

And, I'm sorry that you can't even go to your college class, and worry that you'll be killed by a man on the way back to your car because you ignored a man catcalling you.

Do you know what else I apologize for?

I'm sorry that you probably won't even be able to share this post publicly without having to worry about another man who secretly, or blatantly enables this kind of behavior, and will argue with you up and down, that the man who wrote this is just "cappin".  There will be a man who sees this and will offer some lame-ass justification or give "advice" on what a woman "should" do to avoid this from possibly happening to her.

"Just a simple smile and hello can go a long way.”

"Maybe if you weren't so rude..."

"all you have to do is..."

This shit is weak, and should never be condoned by ANYONE. Especially by us MEN. We often wonder why it's becoming harder and harder to be seen as the protectors of our women, and stuff like this sets up back further and further. Sets us back to caveman days, type shit. THEY probably didn't even do this dumb shit.

I need to find out more things that I can do to contribute to bringing awareness to this issue, and how I can take an even stronger stand on an individual basis.

/Adam Xander (Guest Writer for CW)