Every year, I always think about what each year will bring. For 2018, I knew it was going to be a roller coaster ride of emotions and valuable life lessons. Mainly because I was graduating at the end of the year, but also because I was watching myself evolve into an adult and I started to notice issues that arise when you’re growing up. Graduation was my biggest worry, though. I’ve had an extremely long undergraduate journey, but I still didn’t feel prepared enough to go out in the real world and get—a job. The fear started when one of my best friends told me, “I don’t know why you’re rushing graduation. Because after that, everything you do in life is on you. Nobody is going to hold your hand and guide you to make sure you’re doing what you’re supposed to.” She was right. Ever since I was little, I always knew what was coming next. From one grade to the next, my path was already paved for me. Then after high school, I knew I was going to college. That was my next step. But now, I feel lost because I don’t know what that next step is. The idea of me being in complete control of my life—every decision I make from here on out, bad or good, being left in my hands—was terrifying. What if I don’t get a job in my field? What if I don’t get a shot at my dream career? What if I’m not successful? What if I can’t pay my loans back and end up in debt? Every pessimistic idea possible was running through my head…nothing positive. Then a little later in the year, my best friend group was having growing pains. We were all starting to do our own thing, figuring ourselves out and what we want to be in life. With that, we didn’t get to see each other as much during that time. Then one of my best friends was taking a major step in her adult life and was about to travel across the country for 7 months with her boyfriend, move to Minnesota and start a family…like girl waaaattttt?! DIS TEW MUCH! Life was hitting me so fast and I had no choice but to keep up or else I would fall behind.
Adulting and change are two things that don’t sit well with me. I’m an only child with my Mom, so you should already know what that means… YA GIRL IS SPOILED, OKAY?! I’ve gotten things handed to me a lot in life and my parents have been amazing providers. I haven’t really learned how to be independent which is why I think this “adulting” thing has been such a hard transition. Going your whole life just cooling and then finding out that feeling doesn’t last forever, 2018 hit me with a big “Nah shorty.” As far as change, it’s not easy for me to accept. I’m extremely nostalgic, but someone told me I’m nostalgic to a fault. Memories mean a lot to me to a point where I reminisce all the time about how things used to be. I mean, why can’t I just go back to a much simpler time in the dorms with my friends, straight kicking it? lol. But I let my memories hinder me from moving forward in life. I’ve realized, yes, I can have those memories and hold them close to me, but I have many more memories to make if I don’t hold MYSELF back from making them. I also know that adulting and change is inevitable. The sooner I start embracing it, the better off I’ll be.
I had to cut ties with a few close friends in 2018, but I was grateful to have met some new great people along the way. One friend taught me to stop thinking so much about the future because it takes away from me living in the present. I can’t focus on things that haven’t happened yet. I can only control what is going on right now, and everything else will fall into place. They also put me on game about me being a little naïve. I have a big heart and people take advantage of that sometimes. I can’t allow people to take more from me than they deserve, and I also need to not give so much without giving to myself first. A different friend taught me to believe in myself in everything I do, no matter what. PERIOD. They have been there with me every step of the way through this adulting journey so far and I’m forever thankful for them. And an honorable mention to my wonderful editor-in-chief, Lexi, who taught me to stop being so damn hard on myself! I doubt myself on a lot of things and that self-doubt doesn’t allow me to be as confident or go outside my comfort zone as much as I should. Ya girl just gotta relaxxxxx!
With all the change going on around me, not once did I realize how far I’ve come in 2018. I took a few trips, got chosen to be a reporter in D.C. for March For Our Lives, had one of my news packages aired on TMJ4, started my first internship at 103.7 Kiss FM, got a great magazine internship, and I’m 2 weeks away from graduating! Not once did I stop to smell the roses and give praise to MYSELF for showing out! I was so caught up worrying about the future, I didn’t think about how blessed I’ve been this year. There are people who see my accomplishments and wish they could be where I’m at, yet I’ve been too busy stressing about other things I THINK I need to be doing. I will be fine.
Everything will work out.
I’m not sure where life is going to take me after graduation, but that’s okay. That’s the joy of life. In the beginning, the thought of my life being solely my responsibility was intimidating. Who knew at some point I would have to do everything on my own? *shrugs* Go figure! However, when I think about it now, the journey I’m about to embark on is exciting! The world is filled with endless opportunities. I can put my heart into whatever I choose. After graduation, I get to focus on the things that make my heart smile. Those things are including, but aren’t exclusive to, my YouTube channel Natural Noni (if you’re not subscribed, you’re doing yourself a disservice ma’am), following my passion for natural hair and healthy hair practices and entertainment journalism/broadcast.
I say all this to say, I am blessed to have had a triumphant 2018. I learned so much about myself. The major things I would want whoever is reading to take away from this is one, appreciate the space you’re in right now, you’ll only get to live it once. Two, be stingy with your heart, not everyone deserves a piece of you. Three, relationships will come and go. It’s okay for people to grow apart, there’s no love lost. Four, challenge yourself, being uncomfortable is a good thing. Also with that, don’t be afraid to fail because if you never fail, you’ll never learn. Five, if you’re a giver like me, don’t forget to pour into your own cup before trying to help others. A good heart will get you killed. (Not to sound dramatic, but yeah haha). Six, reflect, reflect, reflect! Lastly, know you’re the shit and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. PERIOD.
I’m a strong believer in everything happens for a reason. I look back at every experience I’ve encountered this year and now I understand it was all necessary for me to grow.…& the year ain’t even ova! We still got a graduation to get to! How ‘bout them apples?
LOL
Here’s to peace, love, abundance and more life in 2019!
/Carrie xoxo
